photo by shoehorn99

I tried everything…

• Walking her around the house. (Check.)
• Singing. (Check.)
• Talking softly. (Check.)
• Tylenol. (Check.)
• Playing her favorite song on the iPod. (Check.)
• Rocking her in the glider. (Check.)

The results were the same every time: frustration and anger. The only thing that would keep her as calm as she was going to be in this pain-filled state was to just let her sit on my lap and “be.” No talking. No pursuading. No distracting. No touching, even. She was in pain and she needed to scream it out.

This experience taught me that “noise” can be annoying.

Sometimes it’s necessary to just sit and be. It allows you the opportunity to truly engage in the moment. We’re so good at filling our attention with noise. To me, the sign of a great relationships is when you can be together for hours and not have to talk hardly at all. Comfortable silence is the litmus test of a solid relationship. It’s pretty refreshing to just shut up and be together – no TV, no music, no distractions. Eventually, Lucy’s screaming turned to silence and she sat still on my lap exhausted.

These 90-minutes also taught me that sometimes pain can’t be taken away.

I am often guilty of packaging problems into tidy little boxes, so that they will have equally tidy solutions. Life doesn’t always work this way. Sometimes pain is pain and you have to just experience it.

Sure, there’s a pill for almost every problem, but are we missing out on the opportunity for a spiritual experience by muting every little ache (emotional and physical)? If you avoid all pain, you miss out on a part of being human.

At a recent funeral I attended, the priest said something that will stick with me forever. He said to those present, “Your pain today proved that you really loved.” What a gift it is to love so deeply that you put yourself in the position of loss and heartache.

Lucy was born in the water at the Madison Birth Center – a natural childbirth with no meds. This experience taught me a book full of lessons, but if I had to summarize it into one sentence it would be this: “Pain teaches you about yourself.” When you have to rely on something greater than yourself in order to continue, you realize the true source of your strength (and it’s NOT you). It’s humbling and empowering all at once.

What has pain taught you about life?

How has your pain impacted your view of yourself?

[This article was originally published over at Dumb Little Man. There is a great discussion to be found in the comments, including one from Gary himself!]

I am a huge fan of Gary Vaynerchuk. If you’ve never heard of him, he became famous for his online TV show, Wine Library TV, in which he brings wine tasting to the masses. Rather than being uppity and condescending, Gary’s everyman style is down-to-earth, passionate, and fun. (He’s been known to compare wine to various breakfast cereals.) 2009 was a breakout year of sorts, with the publishing and promotion of his best-selling book Crush It.

Here’s what I love about Gary Vee:

1 • His admonition that in order to become successful, you need to hustle. Hooray! Finally someone on the internet that is not selling seven easy steps to make a bajillion dollars in four minutes a week. The people who accomplished really big stuff did it with a lot of freaking hard work.

2 • His personable style. Gary is the man when it comes to connecting with his community. It comes down to one word: he cares. Okay, that’s two, but there’s no doubt that Gary is sincere in his love and appreciation for his fans and customers. Most businesses could use more of that.

3 • His childlike passion and enthusiasm. Not just for wine, but for life in general. Watch Gary for five minutes and you’ll see a little boy who treats every day like Christmas morning.

Understandably, many people are eager to hear what Gary has to say about making it big and are willing to adopt his tenets in order to achieve their own success. But I find it alarming how often we chase down the secrets to success (whatever that is for us) without ever stopping to consider the side effects of the ideas we are so eager to implement.

In his speeches, Gary often advocates 18-hour days as a necessity for becoming successful. He certainly practices what he preaches. The long hours he works are common knowledge to those who follow him. With book promotion, media appearances, speaking engagements, consulting work, and his involvement in several businesses, he seems to be always on the go. He’s made public his desire to answer every single email he gets. Recently, he shared that he’s backlogged several months. To me, he appears trapped in a prison of everyone else’s expectations. But there’s no doubt: Gary works hard, hustles, and is busy beyond belief.

But I just can’t help but wonder, to what end?

He has publicly admitted that his lack of sleep has contributed to an increase in feeling sick all the time. And I can’t help but wonder how much time he is actually able to give to his family with everything he has going on. With only 24 hours in a day, it seems like it would be an impossible challenge for anyone. Something has to give. I’m concerned that he will burn himself out. The stress he puts on his body could put him out of commission, which would be bad for him, his family and his myriad projects.

I realize that I’m flirting with danger here. After all, I don’t really know Gary Vaynerchuk. All I have to go by are the slices he shares online and in his speeches and book. Ultimately, his life and his choices are his business, not mine. But from an outsider’s perspective, he reminds me of many of the people in the audiences I speak to throughout the country. And so I feel obligated to question the results that may come from following the tenets that Gary proposes. Even if I am completely and utterly wrong about my perception of Gary — and believe me, I hope that I am — I still believe this is a discussion that needs to be had.

Because this post is not really about Gary Vaynerchuk. It’s about all of us.

What are we working for?

What are we really trying to accomplish?

Who are we trying to impress?

Ask anyone to name the most important thing in their life. Most would put family and relationships at the top of the list. And while it’s terribly easy to spout answers that make us sound like Ward Cleaver, it’s excruciatingly hard to look in the mirror and analyze whether or not our ACTIONS really line up with our WORDS.

In 2009, Inc. Magazine asked the CEOs of the year’s fastest-growing privately-owned companies the question, “Who is your biggest inspiration?” Kevin Burke of Centuria said this:

“My father probably — he’s a retired Fortune 500 CEO and a complete failure in the rest of his life. His mistakes motivate me to find a better path.”

I’ve shared stories with my wife Kim about business tycoons and internet celebrities who have achieved, in the words of Borat, “great success!” They enjoy varying degrees of fame, influence, and wealth. And, even though they are dizzy with exciting projects and joint ventures, they all speak about how important family time is to them. They seem to have it all together.

Kim has often suspected that their spouses might tell a different story.

When it comes down to it, the big question regarding family time and life balance is this: How important can anything be that you spend only a tiny percentage of your day (or week) on? And don’t give me the company line about your emphasis on “quality time.”

Quality time is a load of crap.

We are so quick to brag about spending “quality time” with our kids as a way to prove that we have life balance. The error is that we’re using our own definition of quality, not our kids’. The real question to ask is:

Does your kid consider your time together to be quality time?

Or is it organized activity and forced conversation squeezed into short time slots here and there?

The real world reveals the truth about quality time. A number of fathers could tell you about spending an entire day fishing with their child. You enjoy a great lunch on the boat, share some good laughs, soak in some sunshine, and even catch a few bluegill. But it’s only in the last ten minutes — as you’re turning into the driveway — when your kid finally opens up about getting bullied at school.

Your kids need quantity time out of the relationship with you. It’s not their job to be able to fit all of their stories and questions and hopes and dreams and fears into the sliver of time you’ve carved out as “quality time.”

Sometimes a meaningful interaction only takes five minutes. But sometimes you need five hours to get to that five minutes.

There are scores of people in the speaking business who are divorced or have kids that hate them. Why? They’re good people. But even though they accomplished important things and helped a lot of folks, they didn’t spend enough time on the things that mattered most. They allowed their careers to keep them on the road several hundred days a year. Ultimately, their “quality time” wasn’t enough.

The answer here is not an all-or-nothing one. I’m not suggesting that working hard is bad or that spending every waking minute with your family is the ideal. As usual, the answer lies somewhere in the middle and is difficult to find.

A mentor of mine offered some great advice early on in our relationship. He said, “Enough is as good as a feast.”

When you’re full, it doesn’t matter how many other things there are on the dessert cart. By all means, decide what’s most important to you and go out and grab it. Just don’t be afraid to let the other stuff pass by.

Success can be addicting and it’s easy to say yes to opportunities and projects that promise more of it. We can drive ourselves crazy in that pursuit, and we can drive away the people we love the most while we do it. Sometimes we need to say no to very good things in order to say yes to the best things.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wake up when I’m eighty-nine with a pillow full of regrets. I need reminders from time to time to take stock of my own life to make sure the highway I find myself on is actually leading in a direction that I actually want to go.

This post is an effort to be that reminder for all of us.

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photo by shashchatter

Now, be honest… did you name yourself?

I hope so. But if not, why not?

It’s never too late to be make some changes so that your answer to that question is a confident, “ME!” Need some ideas of what changes to make? Here are 20 signs that you are living life to the fullest:

1. You have crow’s feet from smiling so much.

2. You currently have something fun on your calendar this month (and next month too).

3. The idea of writing your own eulogy brings you no thoughts of regret.

4. April Fool’s Day is highly anticipated in your household. (If not, get some awesome ideas from our upcoming LIVE April Fool’s Day Escape Adulthood Show.)

5. You use every single vacation day you’re given each year.

6. You’re working on a goal that gets you excited when you tell other people about it.

7. You refuse to answer your phone when you are having a conversation with a friend or family member.

8. You’re not afraid of a few raindrops or a little dirt.

9. When other people think of you, they instantly smile.

10. You do not hold any grudges.

11. Your favorite food is on your menu at least once a month.

12. You have a few scars that prove that you’ve lived and loved.

13. You car dance at least once a week.

14. You don’t just live for the weekends. You think weekdays are enjoyable too!

15. You are proud to say you make time for quality AND quantity time with those you love.

16. If your coworkers were asked to collectively agree on one word to describe you, the word would be something really cool like: fun, passionate, sincere, silly or loyal.

17. Even though there are countless uncertainties, you are not afraid of the future.

18. You have either Stage 1 or no Adultitis™ whatsoever. (Not sure what stage you’re in, complete the intake here.)

19. When asked what your hobby is, TV is NOT your answer.

20. You know how to “just be.” Busyness is not always your reality.

This list could go on and on. What did I miss? Share your surefire sign that you’re living life to the fullest!

Sign up to receive our free newsletter to get regular reminders and tips for stressing less and having more fun. Consider it a well-deserved jolt of happiness for your inbox.

art by jason

“A group of us finally sit down to a late lunch,” she said, “and in less than five minutes, buzzing Blackberrys are dancing all over the table. And of course, I have to answer it. If I don’t return a call within 15 minutes, my clients go crazy.”

Perhaps you can relate to this scenario. How can anyone achieve life balance with A.D.D.-riddled Blackberrys and clients who think you live at work, right?

Except there’s one problem: If your life balance is screwed up, it’s your fault, not anyone else’s.

After the woman was done with her little rant, a silver-haired man with a relaxed, easygoing nature proceeded to obliterate her reality right out of the water.

“I think that what we fail to realize,” he began, “Is that WE set the expectations, not the client. At the very beginning of the relationship, if you answer every call or email within the hour, they’ll begin to expect that. Which then makes you feel even more obligated to live up to those expectations.”

“It takes a conscious effort to NOT work on a Saturday or come in at 7 a.m.,” he continued. “If you typically come in at those times, your boss and colleagues will come to expect that as well, and they’ll find stuff for you to do at those times, making it more likely that you’ll feel like you NEED to be there at those times.”

It’s a vicious circle begun by our own hand.

Perhaps even more fascinating to me was learning that this guy didn’t even have a Blackberry (or an iPhone). He only checks e-mail a few times a week. And even airport security screeners don’t believe him when he tells them that there is no computer in his traveling briefcase. And yet he has a similarly flourishing career, is well-respected in his industry, and serves at high levels on the boards of multiple professional and charitable organizations.

It’s always easier to point to someone — or something else — as a reason why we’re always running on fumes or don’t get to see our kids as often as we’d like. But these are merely excuses, and as Alexander Pope said, “An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie guarded.”

The good news is that expectations can be reset, sometimes as simply as having one conversation with your boss or client. In his book, The Four-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferriss has a great chapter on how to reframe the way you do email, decreasing the amount of time you spend managing it. No matter what expectations you want to reset, it all comes down to old-fashioned communication. I’ve found that it’s awfully hard for someone to take you to task for honestly and directly expressing your desire to spend more time with people you love.

Yes, it is possible to rework your schedule in order to spend more time with your family.

Yes, it is possible to only check email a few times a week without your career going down in flames.

Life balance is YOUR choice. It’s not decided by anyone else. Realizing that fact is first step in creating a life with a minimal number of “I wish I wouldas.” Because when you get to the end of your life, it’s not gonna do one bit of good to blame your regrets on your clients, your kid’s coach, your boss, or your Blackberry.

Sign up to receive our free newsletter to get regular reminders and tips for stressing less and having more fun. Consider it a well-deserved jolt of happiness for your inbox.

We’ve been doing a lot of talking lately about death bed regrets. It all boils down to one question: how do you live life so that you don’t have a pillow full of regrets when your time on Earth is up? In this episode we share some important ideas about creating a life that is big on happiness and short on regret.

Click here to view the embedded video.

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What do you think about this month’s show? What’s your favorite tip for making memories? We’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or in the video itself by clicking the little plus sign in the player. Got photos or videos? Send ‘em to eashow@kimandjason.com

Linkety Links

• Got a great April Fool’s Day prank? Send it to eashow@kimandjason.com so we can share it on our next live show. (And you could even win a prize!)
• Check out our first visit to the Strong National Museum of Play.

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art by jason

As a dad, I often find myself fighting the battle between enjoying a moment with Lucy and capturing it on film. One truth that I think slips by most dads and grandpas is this: As nice as it is to record memories to look back on later, photographing a moment is not the same as experiencing it.

While in upstate New York for a speaking engagement, we made some time to visit the Strong National Museum of Play in Rochester. Kim and I had been there before, but this was our first time with Lucy. She enjoyed it — as much as a one-year-old can enjoy anything, I suppose. The museum has a pretty neat butterfly exhibit that we wanted to show Lucy. Knowing how cool it would be, I was armed with a camera and video camera locked and loaded. I didn’t want to miss any adorable moments for the “Lucy Archive.“

As we ambled along the path and butterflies flitted about, I got some great footage. But a still, small voice whispered an observation in my ear: ”It’s not as gratifying seeing these butterflies through a viewfinder.”

“Maybe not,” I answered back, “But I have a job to do here and this is a sacrifice I have to make.”

Moments later, a giant butterfly glided from behind a leafy green plant and came in for a landing.

Right. On. My. Head.

It didn’t seem interested in budging. Kim snapped some photos, and fellow butterfly tourists laughed and pointed at the dude with the butterfly on his head. It was quite a moment.

I’m not sure it ever intended on moving, but eventually I asked the tour guide to help it find another place to sit, because his tiny butterfly feet were making my forehead itchy.

It didn’t occur to me that perhaps this was a sign from the butterfly kingdom, or maybe from somewhere even higher up the ladder. The message was simple and to the point:

Notice me.

I wish I could say I got the message. I wish I could say I put the camera down and just marveled at the brilliant colors splashed across the fragile butterfly wings. I wish I had spent more time gazing on the face of my little girl, awash with a mix of curiosity and wonder. I wasn’t completely oblivious to the experience, but I wasn’t fully present, that’s for sure. I didn’t spend enough time just enjoying the moment.

Granted, I have some neat photos and cute video, but most of my memories associated with them will be about fumbling with the cameras trying to get the perfect shot and watching butterflies though a viewfinder. My experience wasn’t as rich as it could have been.

It was a half-lived moment.

Too bad.

It’s not like the butterflies didn’t do their part to warn me.

P.S. Here’s a video of highlights from our last trip to the museum, in the year 2 BL (Before Lucy):

Click here to view the embedded video.

We’ve had several speaking gigs since the Olympics has started and I’m finding it’s a great conversation piece for people. There seems to be a common denominator of interest: the individual stories and montages. The most inspiring ones are the ones where the Olympian overcame a major adversity to get to where they are today – whether injury, personal defeat, loss of a loved one, or just years of discipline and sacrifice.

If you’re not happy for Shen Xue and Zhao, the Chinese pair skaters (and married couple), who finally won gold, then you may not be human. That’s simply an awesome story! Or Lindsey Vonn skiing through her recent shin injuries (OUCH!) to take the gold on the slopes in downhill, the first American woman to do so — now that’s strength and focus. These stories warm your heart and make you proud of the power of the human spirit. But is this remarkable spirit limited only to athletes or is the Olympics merely a tangible showcase of the spirit we ALL possess?

Unless you’re already training for the 2012 summer games in London or heading to Sochi in 2014, you need to start training for your own personal victory…

What’s YOUR gold medal?

What’s the one goal that you would sacrifice TONS to accomplish? That thing that you believe to be possible, but not without a remarkable amount of discipline and strength of character, some moxie, a decent dose of stubbornness, and a boatload of courage.

It’s the same goal that sends chills down your spine when you think about achieving it. It makes your heart skip with excitement and anticipation when you envision the reality of its accomplishment.

The reason these individual Olympian stories are so inspiring and fun to learn about is because they help instill us with the confidence that great achievements are possible with some honest perseverance and spirit. It’s never easy. It’s a road filled with countless falls, doubts, fears, and critics. However, the gold is always worth the journey.

I believe the road of everyday life is filled with potential champions. We are all destined for our own greatness — in our own little worlds.

Jason and I are always working towards gold in different areas of our lives. We walked away with gold medals two Decembers ago when Lucy entered our lives. Anyone who knows our story knows that we had spent the previous eight years of our married life together working and sacrificing to get to a point where having a family would be supported by our business of helping people live lives with less stress and more fun. We “trained” for this gold year after year: going without what our peers were attaining, toiling, praying, hoping that one day our efforts would pay off. To provide us with a lifestyle that we dreamed of, one where we could work together on our mission and have a family (and not have to live in that crappy apartment anymore!) Our hard work and faith ultimately paid off.

So, what’s YOUR gold medal?

Don’t sit on the sidelines. Don’t settle for just getting on the podium. Fight for the gold in your life.

Let me tell you, it’s worth it.

artwork by jason

We’d go down swinging in a spectacular grand finale, of course.

Tour Paris. Take a cruise. Visit the pyramids of Egypt. Climb Mount Everest. Paddle down the Amazon. Run a marathon. Go skydiving.

When asked what we’d do if we only had six months to live, why do we so often resort to the grandiose, sexy, self-indulgent activities ripped from a full-color glossy brochure? Are those the things we really want to do, or are those the things we just THINK we should want to do? Do we really believe that a well-lived life must incorporate as many of these extreme adventures as possible?

The question fascinates me. I suppose the phenomenon could be interpreted as a very “American” thing. We tend to be obsessed with bigger, better, and more. More elaborate. More expensive. More exciting. More extreme. The best-selling book, 1000 Places to See Before You Die appears to set the bar at what a well-lived life should look like.

There are two problems as I see it, however.

The first is that, even as exhaustive as that book (and others like it) may be, I’m certain there are a number of things left out. Someone could theoretically do every single thing listed in that book (which would probably actually take several lifetimes to accomplish), and there’d still be a thousand other things that could be added. This world is simply too big and opportunities are too numerous for one person to experience all of it. So you get to the end of your life and inevitably feel like you missed something.

The other problem is that these grandiose books of bucket lists condition us to think that some experiences are more valuable and enriching than others. No doubt that taking in a sunset at the Grand Canyon is probably a better use of time than watching reruns of Melrose Place, but which of these experiences is more valuable: reeling in swordfish during an exciting chartered open sea expedition, or spending a sleepy afternoon on a quiet pond fishing with your granddaughter?

You may argue that both experiences offer equal value for different reasons, but there’s certainly no question about which one is sexier and more likely to end up on the “1,001 Things You Should Do Or Your Life Was a Complete Waste of Time” list.

Faced with only having six months left to live, we imagine going out in a breathtaking grand finale of epic proportions. That’s how we’d like things to go. That’s how it works in the movies.

But not so much in real life.

In real life, a heart attack gets you before you even knew what hit you. In real life, by the time you get the real “you’ve got six months left to live” speech, you’re too weak and sick to muster much more than getting down the hall to the bathroom. In real life, you wake up one day when you’re ninety and wonder where the hell the time went.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a sucker for the genre of books I’ve been talking about. I love how they encourage us to awaken from our microwaved, air-conditioned, cruise-controlled lifestyle and DO something with our lives. I appreciate how they offer ideas we may have never considered.

But rather than focus on making sure my last days resemble a nighttime Disney World extravaganza, I’m more interested in focusing on what my regular days look like. Am I happy to get out of bed, excited about what the day holds? Does my work make a difference in the world? Does it make a difference to me? Do I get to spend a little of each day with the people I love, even if it’s just a simple meal together, or a walk around the neighborhood, or a dance party in my living room? Did I make time for a short prayer with my God, a slice of a good book, or a meaningful conversation with my wife?

Days like that might seem too pedestrian — boring even — to our bigger, better, and more sensibilities. The “Bucket List” books would have me believe that I didn’t do enough. But the truth is, happiness is a lifetime filled with days that look like that, days consistently marked by deep, happy contentment and sprinkled with simple bits of joy on top.

The best way to die with no regrets — be it six months or sixty years from now — is to make sure that most of your days are infused with those simple measures of happiness and fulfillment. By my estimation, it’s better to create a life that’s filled with days that look like that than to hope for a brilliant grand finale that makes up for the thousands of days spent in quiet desperation, toiling in a job you didn’t like, spending time with people you didn’t care about, and caring about things that didn’t matter.

Life is too precious to gamble on the chance that you’ll get one last shot to squeeze in the living you missed out on. The reality is, the brilliant fireworks grande finale is probably not in the cards for you. Or me.

That’s okay. Just make sure you’re intentionally creating a life that is consistently breathtaking, even if in small ways. Because jumping out of a plane or scaling Mount Everest during your last days won’t make up for a lifetime of settling.

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[This post originally appeared on Dad-O-Matic, a cool site for Dads, by Dads.]

We bought our daughter one of those little primary-colored push car toys for her first birthday. It gets great gas mileage and holds up amazingly well in crashes, of which there have been many so far.

The other day, she got herself caught in a traffic jam. The legs of our counter-height kitchen table and its accompanying chairs gridlocked her into a standstill. With all the might a one-year-old can muster, she pushed and prodded that car in an attempt to break free to the open road.

To no avail.

My initial instinct was to jump to her rescue and free her from her dilemma. But I could tell she was close to doing it on her own, so I decided to stay put. Her frustration level mounted, but I kept my distance. It was hard. Finally, with one last exasperated twist, the car untangled from the last chair leg and she was free.

And let me tell you, the beaming glow of pride on her face melted my heart like a Snickers bar in Scottsdale.

This foray into Fatherhood has taught me a lot of new stuff about God. This particular scenario gave me some insight about how he operates.

We all have rough patches in our lives, moments when we get stuck in the weeds. Things aren’t going according to plan and we’re stuck. Adultitis gets the better of us. We work our butts off to make the situation better, but nothing seems to help. After exhausting all of our resources, our frustrations mount. Perhaps we cry out to God to save us. He certainly can, and sometimes he does. A check shows up in the mail. The idea to solve a perplexing problem presents itself, seemingly out of thin air. We find the thing we had given up hope of ever finding.

But sometimes he doesn’t step in to save the day. Sometimes he’s silent.

Even though I often wish he would step in and make things easier for me, I’ve come to see that he has the wisdom to know that sometimes we have to go through difficult situations in life in order to come out stronger, better, and more confident on the other side.

And I believe that nothing makes him smile wider than seeing us accomplish exactly what he knew we could do all along.

We call people who get our weekly email newsletter Kim & Jason Insiders. Because not only are they the most prominent people in Kim & Jason Nation, but because they get the behind-the-scenes stuff and extra goodies no one else gets. The inside scoop, if you will.

Every weekly issue features an extra bit of something to chew on and a special Adultitis-fighting tip that’s not posted here on the blog. This week’s issue highlights a brand new ebook we just put the finishing touches on.

It’s titled, Busy is a Four-Letter Word: Thoughts, Tips and Inspiration for Staying Sane in a Fast-Paced World. It’s 54 pages of candid, no-nonsense insight about this thing called busyness and how you can keep it from taking over your world.

It’s completely free, but as you might have guessed, only available to Kim & Jason Insiders.

If you haven’t already, now’s a good time to join the ranks.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what college will look like when Lucy is ready to graduate high school. It fascinates me, because considering that she’s only fourteen months old as I write this, I only know it will look nothing like it does right now.

Degrees earned online used to be the domain of people looking for a promotion or a new career and already juggling a job and family. But now I’m seeing commercials of college-aged students talking about taking classes online. iTunes U is filled with audio downloads of educational courses from some of the most highly regarded institutions of higher learning. And increasingly, degrees from traditional universities are becoming worth less while costing more than ever.

When I was in college, email was just coming on the scene. Dial-up was the norm. And my walks to class were accompanied by a Walkman, because iPods hadn’t been invented yet.

This was only ten years ago.

Things are changing fast, and the rate of change is getting ever faster.

What will college look like in 18 years? The experts barely have a clue what next year will bring, let alone five years from now.

Eighteen years from now is completely up for grabs. It’s very possible that college as we know it — the kind with heavy textbooks, ivy-lined brick walls, and ginormous tuitions — will no longer exist. Seth Godin has effectively proven that the benefits of an MBA can be achieved –and exceeded — without going $100,000 into debt.

It seems to me that now, more than ever, we need to embrace a childlike spirit in order to navigate future that awaits us. You can succumb to Adultitis, get all curmudgeony, and resist the changes, wishing for things to stay the same, or worse yet, expecting that they will. Or you can tap into the open-minded spirit of childhood to curiously ask new questions, create new paths, and see the changes that are coming as an opportunity for a great adventure.

You’ve been warned: Stay shackled by Adultitis, and you’ll be left behind.

The future belongs to the childlike.

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photo by pincusvt

Our lives crossed paths at the start of his elementary years and by this point he had acquired quite the resume of advocacy, raising both money and awareness for Juvenile Diabetes. His work advocating for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) led him to Washington, D.C. to speak before Congress and he was even honored by Wisconsin Governor Doyle during a State of the State Address. He inspired a snowboarding camp for other kids with Type 1 diabetes – being a real life example that kids with diabetes can do anything that anyone else can do, they just have to manage it a little better.

Jesse touched countless people with his vibrant personality and his ability to connect with anyone. Jesse was an awesome kid and he lived his 13 years to the fullest.

In reflecting on his passing this week, I am faced with the question:

If I only had 13 years of my life left, would I live it as richly as Jesse did? Would my life leave the kind of mark his did?

It’s almost easier to think about what you would do with the cliche “6 months left to live.” Simple. You’d drop everything and be with those you love. You’d take that trip to the Great Wall of China. You’d jump out of the plane or go rafting in the Grand Canyon. You’d have the permission you need to truly say what you want to say.

It’s so cliche to say we should live as if each day is our last. But is this really possible without the bad news from the doctor? There are just too many things you HAVE to do that you certainly would NOT do, if indeed this was your last day here. It’s not a realistic challenge.

But what about 13 years?

With 13 years left, you still have to be financially responsible and maintain the day-to-day of your life (bills, work, relationships, civic responsibilities, chores, etc.), like you do right now.

But what WOULD you change?

Anything?

Would you look for a different way to spend your 9-5 or 5-9? Would you watch less TV? Would you be more generous with your talents? Would you say “I love you” more or “I’m sorry.” Would you make more memories? Would you write that book? Maybe you’d actually make some progress on the ‘ol Bucket List, instead of waiting until the timing is “right.”

Jesse’s brief but abundantly rich journey here inspires me to live like I’ve only been given 13 more years. It’s time I became more bold about the things that I’m most passionate about. So I start here with giving you (and myself) this challenge: get off your couch and do something to make a memory with someone you love TODAY.

The following quote in his obituary really sums it all up nicely…

“It’s better to burn out than to fade away.”

Godspeed Jesse!

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In this episode, filmed live from Madison, Wisconsin, we share some fun, childlike ideas to make your Valentine’s Day the sweetest one yet. We also chat about V-Day memories from childhood, including a quick debate over the infamous candy hearts.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Share Your Thoughts…
What do you think about this month’s show? What’s your favorite childlike movie for Valentine’s Day? Do you have a favorite Valentine’s Day memory from childhood? We’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or in the video itself by clicking the little plus sign in the player. Got photos or videos? Send ‘em to eashow@kimandjason.com

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• The origins of Valentine’s Day

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He suffered from ADHD.

His parents got divorced when he was nine.

He didn’t do so hot in school.

And his middle school teacher told him that he’d never be successful.

Nice.

Everybody seems to have their own definition of success, but I’d be hard-pressed to find anyone to dispute that winning 14 Olympic gold medals is a pretty good indicator of success. Admirably, Michael Phelps didn’t use his teacher’s inaccurate opinion as an excuse to shrink back and settle for a life of mediocrity. Instead, he used the words as fuel to drive him, posting them in his locker so he’d see them before and after every practice.

Many similarly inspiring people have summoned the strength to rise above the pain and doubt resulting from abusive put-downs from parents, teachers, and friends to achieve great success.

The desire to prove someone wrong is very powerful indeed.

However.

It can also cloud our judgement lead us down a dark path.

A son of poor immigrants is ridiculed by classmates for wearing second-hand clothing. The hurtful comments propel him to graduate with honors from Harvard and achieve great financial success. But the memories of the sarcastic remarks make him fearful of ever being poor again, so he works long hours and says yes to every project that promises to pad his bottom line, at the expense of spending time with his wife and children.

A woman spends her whole life trying to prove to her deceased father that she has what is takes to be an excellent lawyer, when her skills and passion are better suited to running a bakery.

Insults from so-called friends lead an overweight guy to make some lifestyle changes in order to get down to a healthy weight. But the euphoria of success drives him to take extreme and dangerous measures to stay thin — no matter what the cost.

Who are YOU trying to prove wrong?

I suspect that every single one of us is motivated to some extent by the moments when we’ve been wronged or doubted. Like a thistle from a thorn bush, those words of discouragement sting when they’re delivered, and they can stick with us for a very long time.

The danger comes when we fail to step back to identify our motivation and examine how it has driven our actions. Pressing forward might lead us down a dead end road where the only prize is a rusty bucket of regret.

May you always rise above the haters who disregard the remarkable potential within you. They don’t see the full picture, and only you can determine how your story ends. But don’t let your desire to prove someone wrong rob you of your health, happiness, or true purpose in life.

It’s not worth it.

Learn more about bringing Jason in to your organization to help them turn stress into laughter, rejuvenate their passion, and achieve work life balance.

photo by mike souza

Remember the childhood game that settled every argument? No, not thumb wrestling (or even arm wrestling, for that matter.) I’m referring to “rock-paper-scissors.” Sure, it’s fun to flip a coin or draw straws, but nothing says childhood like this favorite classic.

If you don’t know that rock beats scissors, then you might need to reconnect with your inner 8-year-old and think back to the simpler days of childhood – the days when disputes were so inconsequential that silly hand gesture games could resolve them in less than a minute.

Oh, if only adulthood could be that simple.

Well, apparently a federal judge in Tampa thought so a few years ago. K&J Nation member Steven S. shared with us an article about a childlike judge who made two arguing attorneys (hard to imagine, I know) play rock-paper-scissors to determine the location for retrieving a sworn statement from a witness. (Thanks for sharing Steven!) How cool is this judge?!

The most interesting part of this story was the poll on the website asking, “Was the judge right to impose a ‘rock-paper-scissors’ order on the attorneys?” The two choices were: 1) Yes: He sure was, embarrassing them that way will teach them to get along, and 2) No: It only makes the judge look childish.

Of course I voted “Yes.” After voting, I noticed that out of 36,083 votes, 92% also voted yes with only 8% voting no. These numbers give me hope regarding Adultitis and tell me that maybe us grown-ups need to (and want to, as indicated by the 92%) stop taking ourselves so darn seriously. So, in an effort to help you do that, here are 9 adulthood decisions you can make using “rock-paper-scissors.” Feel free to get creative and add your own in the comments.

1. Who has to change the dirty diaper?
2. Who has to pump the gas on a cold wintry night?
3. Who has to bring the car for an oil change?
4. Who has to change the printer cartridge?
5. Who has to take out the garbage?
6. Who has to mow the lawn?
7. Who has to do the dishes?
8. Who has to vacuum the car?
9. Who has to go grocery shopping?

P.S. You’ll notice, all of these tasks are often Adultitis-inducing. So, why not mix it up and have some fun with it? Silly fun like this is a simple way to take the dread out of daily chores.

P.S.S. If you’re a R-P-S fan, check out our cool t-shirt!

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I recently got a copy of Good Eats: The Early Years by Alton Brown. To paraphrase Ron Burgundy, if you don’t think it’s the greatest show on television, I will fight you. As a Food Network junkie, I dig Alton’s quirky, fun, no-nonsense style. Between writing books, filming Good Eats, hosting Iron Chef America and The Next Iron Chef, and appearing in all kinds of Welch’s commercials, he certainly seems to have a lot of burners lit. As I perused the acknowledgements, I came across his thoughts regarding his 10-year-old daughter:

“I especially want to thank Zoey for putting up with all the late nights and early mornings, and all the books she had to read alone. You’re my pride and joy, kid.”

I think that’s just about the saddest thing ever written. Am I the only one?

This is what I want to say to Mr. Alton Brown:

Give up one — just one! — of your projects and go read a damn book to your kid.

But that wouldn’t be fair. I don’t really know about the dynamic between Alton and his daughter. What I DO know is that in my travels around the country speaking to various audiences, there are way too many dads who miss big chunks of their kids’ childhood only to suffer the consequences when it’s too late.

I have a friend who has candidly spoken about his contrasting relationships with his two daughters. He was on the road as a traveling salesman for much of his first daughter’s childhood. He missed a lot. He made some life changes that allowed him to be more present for his second daughter’s early years. Today, his relationship with her is solid and rewarding, while his relationship with the oldest girl is strained, distant, and spoiled by resentment.

When you’re not around much when your kids are growing up, they aren’t comforted by the idea that you’re helping a lot of people. They don’t need nearly as much of the things that your “making a living” pays for. And your definition of “quality time” probably doesn’t cut it.

To them, the message is loud and clear: other people and other things are more important to you than them.

Success is intoxicating. In your chase for more of it, don’t lose track of what’s really important.

Because when it’s too late, a few sentences scrawled in some book aren’t going to make up for all your time away.

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photo by frippy

Adultitis is also severely contagious, so if you’re around others who are living with the disease, you might want to run for the hills — seriously.

But most of the time, the way you come down with a case of Adultitis is a direct result of the teeny tiny annoying moments that pop up in your day. The dirty little secret is that most of these things are avoidable. And, trust me, these little things can really add up — like unwelcome ants on a picnic blanket. It starts with one or two (ah, aren’t they kind of cute), then before you know it the whole picnic is ruined and you’re eating in the car. Yikes.

So what do you do about it? Well, in an effort to proactively avoid some of these daily hassles (combating Adultitis head-on), I have come up with a strategy in my own life that I encourage you to try.

Make a list of your daily annoyances.

You know what I’m referring to; those things, that when they happen, leave you cursing, banging your fist on something hard, or even throwing a grown-up mental tantrum. (Don’t tell me you’ve never had one of these – they are quite glamorous, after all.) Once you have your list, take each pesky problem one by one and uncover a way to zap it from existence.

Here’s my list — it’s surprisingly simple stuff. Maybe this will help inspire you to get your own list going, bringing you one step closer to taming Adultitis.

1. Invest in a quality stapler.
Currently, I am knee-deep in details for our upcoming speaking programs for the spring. Lots of paper shuffling and file management in an effort to make sure nothing gets missed. I go to grab the stapler and BOOM — jammed. Aye Yay Yay! A friend of mine on FB suggested Red Springline all the way. (Thanks Jeff G!)

2. Create a TP system.
Life is busy. Sometime (honestly, most times) little details like toilet paper stock management are not making the top of the to-do list. You know what happens when this is overlooked, though — lavatory SOS. One lonely square of Charmin left on the roll + no rolls in the closet = panic mode. Initiate a system in which you have to replenish the stash when you take the last roll from the closet, NOT when you take the last square from the roll.

3. Manage birthday reminders.
Nothing says “Happy Birthday” to a friend like actually saying Happy Birthday to a friend. It’s obvious when you forget. But, honestly, I don’t even know what day it is myself most of the time. Subscribe to one of those free online birthday reminders. They send you an email with reminders. Tip: schedule the reminder for a few days before so you have time to mail a card.

4. Buy a milking cow.
No, you don’t have to move to a dairy farm to make sure you don’t run out of milk. But, I know Jerry Seinfeld would agree that there’s nothing worse than picking up the milk in the morning to pour into your cereal and the carton is too light. Either buy two cartons at a time or make a mid-week milk stop part of your weekly routine. There is nothing sadder than a lonely — and dry — Oreo.

5. Reset your clocks.
As much as I try to be on time for things, I seem to be the “5 minutes late” gal. It’s always exactly five minutes. So, why not time warp reality? Set the clocks a few minutes fast so that you can be on time. The trick is to convince yourself that your clocks are correct, and not rely on the fact that you actually have a few free minutes to play with because your clocks are fast. Head games…aren’t they fun?

6. Plan your meals ahead.
Nothing screams take-out like a hungry family and a clueless cook. Ordering out can really add up. Plan your meals the week before, right before you go grocery shopping for the week to ensure you don’t find yourself an egg short. This takes a great deal of stress out of the day-to-day, especially when you’re already grumpy because your tummy is growling.

7. Invite VM to be your friend.
Voicemail was created for good reason. You don’t have to answer every call. In fact, you shouldn’t. Set boundaries on your phone habits so that you can have a relaxing evening with your family without being interrupted by a caller who could’ve easily waited until the next day.

8. Get some Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones
Looking for a quiet night of sleep? Does having a teething one-year-old keep you up at night? (or is it just ME!) Just kidding… ;) Sometimes you have to suck it up. This too shall pass.

So, what annoys YOU? Traffic? Noisy neighbors? Holes in your socks? Trying to remember your millions of passwords? ATM fees? A dead cell phone battery? Inaccurate weather forecasts? Slow internet service? Running out of ink in your printer? Negative news? Waiting for repair people? Spam? Empty gas tanks?

Share one thing that you’ll do to tame Adultitis this week by tackling your daily annoyance head-on.

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It’s easier to be a human doing than a human being.

I have the good fortune of spending two hours each morning with a little bundle of energy known as Lucy. She recently became interested in bringing me books to read to her. I enjoy this new level of interactivity, even though the subject matter is less than stellar. The ones she seems to enjoy the most are the ones with the least regard for a plot (unless you consider journeying through the alphabet from A to Z captivation of the highest order).

During our time together, I too often I operate under the premise that I only have two options in how I spend the time. One allows me to be actively engaged with her, reading books or playing side-by-side. The other option, if she is playing contentedly by herself, insists that I should have my laptop open and use the opportunity to get something productive done. Like coming up with an idea for a blog post.

I was reminded today that there is actually a third choice.

The third choice, effectively labeled “none of the above,” is a pretty simple one, although surprisingly hard:

Just be.

So I tried it. I just sat on the ground, with my back against the couch, in silence. I gave myself permission to leave my laptop right where it was — closed. I watched Lucy go about her business from one toy to the next. I started paying attention to my breathing, making a conscious effort to slow it down. I marveled at my ability to easily detach from myself and get lost in contemplation. Then I looked at the clock.

Exactly one minute had passed.

Ahem.

Undeterred, I got back to breathing. Eventually, I really was able to let go. I watched Lucy play, without giving in to the urges to help her correctly stack the blocks or shower her with positive feedback. Instead, I chuckled at how she waddled from one thing to the next on legs that weren’t as fast as her mind. I noticed the sunlight shining on her hair. I marveled at how tall she’s gotten. I just enjoyed being in her presence.

All in all, it was the best fifteen minutes I’d spent in weeks. Peaceful. Relaxing. Energizing.

It took a while to let go of the idea that I should be “doing” something. But once I was able to finally let go and just “be” in the moment, an amazing sense of peace came over me. I felt present. I wasn’t worried or anxious about anything. I experienced a deep sense of gratitude for my life, my home, and my little girl.

And lo and behold, I came up with the idea for this blog post.

There’s a good chance that this little story sounds appealing to you — a chance to do nothing? How great would that be?! But alas, the loudest of the inner voices shouting within you exclaims that you don’t have the time to just be.

The loudest of your inner voices is often the stupidest.

During the course of your day, you have plenty of opportunities to just be, even for just 5 or 15 minutes. In the shower. During your commute. Waiting in line. The real problem is that you don’t take advantage of the opportunities when they come, because the whole process is so dang uncomfortable.

Your mind is uncomfortable with the silence because you are so conditioned to the noise.

The lack of movement is unsettling because you’re always on the go.

Not to mention, it’s almost impossible to feel productive when you’re just “being.” And productivity is our favorite drug of choice.

So since it is easier to be a human doing, that is exactly what we do.

The thing that makes music beautiful is not just the notes, but the space of nothingness between them. Were it not for the spaces of nothingness, music would be like an annoying fire alarm. And when we busy ourselves doing anything we can, doesn’t life sometimes seem like that? Loud. Frantic. Unrelenting. Overwhelming. Stressful.

It takes practice to embrace those five minute chunks of time each day provides and use them to just be. It’s hard. But don’t let the difficulty discourage you. It gets easier the more you do it.

It may be easier to be a human doing than a human being. But if you want a life that isn’t burdened by stress and Adultitis, you might want to practice the “being” part a bit more.

Let some quiet spaces into your life and enjoy for yourself the symphony of the human experience.

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photo by roadsidepictures

The worst is when I would make one of those quick stops — you know the kind: “I’ll just run in for a few things.” Ha!

Inevitably, I’d grab the plastic basket, thinking it would somehow keep me from picking up too much. After all, I really did only need a few things. Ten minutes later, I’m stranded way back in dairy trying to conjure up a plan for how I’m going to get to the checkout without dropping everything. The basket is too heavy to carry with one hand, but I need a hand to get the gallon of milk (which is the ONE thing we actually needed). The eggs are teetering on top and every time I take a step the bread gets squished more and more. Help! I told you I was the worst grocery shopper ever, especially because this has happened to me countless times.

This image of me with the overflowing basket is what I thought of today when I read the definition for the word “balance.” Everyone seems to be seeking balance. How do you achieve it? What does it look like? Is it possible? Is it a myth?

The verb balance is defined as “putting something in a steady position so that it does not fall.”

Aren’t we all seeking the magic formula that will help us align all of the teeny tiny sections of our lives, making them steady so that they will not come toppling down at a moment’s notice?

I know I am. I also know I am not alone.

Being a work-at-home mom, it’s a daily challenge to align the pieces of my life so that everything gets done and all the while I am somehow smiling and having fun. Lucy needs a diaper, that email needs to be sent, the bathroom needs a wipe down, I should call that client back, Jason needs clean pants for his gig tomorrow, I need a shower and some chocolate. It seems crazy most days, but balance is worth fighting for.

If you feel like your life is out of balance, it’s time to do what I should’ve done time and time again with that darn basket of groceries:

• Carry less. Set a few things down. Reprioritize what absorbs your time and figure out a few things that can wait until a different season of life.
• Ask for help. Look around and find people to help you carry your load.
• Stick to your list. Take time to plan out your week as a family. Say no to the temptations that come up at the last minute that steal your time.
• Make sure you remembered the Oreos. Don’t forget to reward yourself along the way. You don’t have to choose emotional eating, like I do. Just be sure to allow yourself to be rewarded along the journey. :)

Well, we did it. My wife and I made it to the one-year mark. (Oh, and so did Lucy.) The first two weeks seemed like a millennium, the last fifty seemed like a millisecond.

So, what have I learned, if anything?

• It sounds so dang cliché to say, “It’s harder than I imagined, but better than I imagined.” It may be cliche, but is it ever true.

• I’m still trying to figure out what a “normal” schedule should be. I’m never quite sure I’m spending time correctly. I feel like I’m still trying to get in a groove. It seems like I should have it figured out by now. I also get the feeling that “normal” is gone forever.

• I can be with Lucy, OR I can work on something else. Either way I’m a pretty patient person. But trying to do both at once drives me insane and obliterates my patience.

• Baby diapers can really STINK. But I don’t mind changing them as much as I thought I would. I think dirty diapers are overhyped.

• Most of the world is out of whack when it comes to life balance. What most would consider standard operating procedure is way over the edge, if you ask me. I think we all need to slow the hell down for two seconds and stop trying to be and do and have everything.

• We avoided colic but got to experience the worst of teething. Pick your poison, I guess…

[Read the rest of this article over at Dad-O-Matic, a cool site for Dads, by Dads.]