You know how some people become so frustrated by the antics of their crying baby that they resort to shaking them violently?

Sometimes, when I’m speaking, I want to do that with audience members.

The other night, Kim and I were in North Dakota for a program. A young high-schooler and his mother were in the audience, seated about halfway back. The kid had a cell phone and he spent the entire program texting friends.

Well, almost the entire program. You see, there’s one point of my program where I share some Adultitis warning signs. I say, “You might have Adultitis if you’ve gotten to the point where your cell phone has become a body part.” Then I show a slide of a guy with a cell phone taped to his head.

The mom nudged the boy, who looked up, shared a brief laugh with her, and promptly went back to his texting.

That my friends, is what we call irony.

Something that drives me crazy (and I’m sure anyone who is passionate about helping people improve their lives) is when someone you’re talking to doesn’t think you’re actually talking about them. Of course, I realize that I can’t make anyone change. They have to do it themselves. But sometimes I wonder if I’m even getting through.

Sometimes I want to go up to people in my audience, shake them, and say, “Hey! I’m talking about YOU!!!”

To which, they’d probably reply, “I get your point, but you don’t understand. My situation is different.”

Of course, the world would be infinitely better if everyone did what we told them to do, right? Every professional speaker thinks that way, or at least they should. That’s what helps fuel their passion to help make a difference.

But the truth is, we all think our situation is different. Every last one of us.

We think, People should learn to budget their money better. People need to take a look at their priorities. People should do a better job of raising their kids. But us? The person we see in the mirror? Don’t even go there. After all, our situation is different.

Our situation is the exception to the rule.

Nice try.

That’s such an easy cop out. And we all use it. It puts up an invisible force field that prevents any criticism from being hurled in our direction. Any helpful advice is immediately deflected because our situation does not apply.

The sad part is that when we embrace that attitude, we miss out on wonderful opportunities to improve our lives. Our relationships. Our careers. Ourselves.

Don’t be so prideful to think that your situation is so much different than everybody else’s. Nobody’s perfect. We all have lots to learn. There is a nugget of gold in every piece of advice. The key is to lower our force fields, take the advice that comes our way with a grain of salt, and figure out how to apply it to our unique situation. Ask yourself, “Where is the truth in this? How can I apply that truth to my life?”

Meanwhile, as you read this blog, encountering the bits of advice here and there, know this:

YES! I’m talking about YOU!

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This week’s Escape Plan challenge (aka our Tip of the Week) is #20: Instant Karma: Right an old wrong.

In 2005 karma was given a primetime slot, starring as the central plot point on My Name is Earl. Whether you call it karma or not, most people believe that “what goes around comes around.” Another way to look at it is the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

When you’re a kid and you have a fight with a friend those two simple words can turn everything around- I’m sorry. Sometime your mom makes you say them, and sometimes you just know you need to, but regardless they serve as the super glue needed to piece the friendship back together again.

Almost everyone has “something” that needs fixing. Pick up that phone today. Send that email. Mail that card. Even if it doesn’t fix everything, it’ll be less for you to carry around tomorrow. Those two words might be difficult to say, but you’ll never regret saying them.

Share with us your Instant Karma moment in the comments on the Escape Plan Blog.

If you need some inspiration, just watch an episode of Earl…

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Well, not all of it. Let me explain. Brett Farmiloe has neat post about the things our mothers told us and how they affect our adult lives. Some of the instructions, if they’ve stuck with you, serve as beacons of good behavior and great advice.

“Remember to say your please and thank yous.”

“Wash your hands.”

“You could have called.”

“Stop picking your nose.”

Challenge #11 of the Escape Plan is You’re Not The Boss of Me: Do something your parents would never let you as a child. Most parents want the best for their kids, and the rules they pass down to us reflect the culmination of best judgments based on their life experience. They’re designed to keep us safe, help us be successful, and prevent us from looking like a total buffoon. (Especially the nose-picking advice.)

But sometimes they’re wrong. Sometimes the advice they’ve passed along is broken or misguided. Sometimes Mom was just repeating the stuff her mom said. And sometimes it becomes a crutch, keeping us from achieving our full potential.

“What do you think, money grows on trees?”
(This conditions us to think that money is scarce.)

“Are you going out dressed like that?”
(This conditions us to seek the approval of others.)

“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.”
(This conditions us to keep the truth silent if we think it might offend someone.)

“Children should be seen and not heard.”
(This is a despicable statement uttered only by people with full-blown cases of Adultitis.)

The rules our moms gave us as children impact us our entire lives. The people who make a difference in the world — you know, the ones written up in history books — became comfortable with the idea of breaking the rules. It’s easy to rebel against the rules put forth by some faceless government, school board, or religious institution. What’s hard is breaking the rules ingrained in us by our parents.

But sometimes, in order to become all that God created you to be, you have to ignore what mom said and go your own way. Just don’t pick your nose while you do it. (At least in public.)

P.S. The photo above just so happens to be the son of Ree, aka Pioneer Woman. Check out her blog if you get a chance. It’s fabulous. 

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Grown-ups have a way of complicating things. We are addicted to subtlety. Nuance. Shades of grey. One of the things I admire most about children is their ability to cut to the chase. They’re honest. They tell it like it is. And they don’t mess around with unimportant details.

This video gives the rundown of Star Wars Episode IV from the perspective of a 3-year-old. One important life lesson: don’t be like the shiny guy. The shiny guy always worries. Even 3-year-olds know that worrying is a stupid waste of time. Proof yet again that kids are experts at spotting Adultitis.

P.S. Anybody know where I can get me one of those “little light-up swords?”

[Hat tip to Marilyn S. for the link to the video]

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Kids are honest. One day when my nephew was four he was playing a board game with my mom, his grandma. In the middle of the game he stopped what he was doing abruptly and said, “Grandma, did you know you have gray hair?” She laughed and assured him that, indeed, she knew that. Increasing his intensity, he insisted, “No Grandma, REALLY gray… and you have a yellow tooth, too.”

Ah yes… the honesty of children. They tell it like it is.

As a junior in college majoring in Early Childhood Education I worked part-time at a preschool on campus in a four-year-old room. In high school and college I battled some issues with acne. (Fun times.) Of course make-up helped but there were days that turned into weeks that were worse than others. On one such day during playtime a little girl spent way too long trying to convince me that I had to go home because I had chickenpox on my face. Her brother had the chickenpox and she knew all about it. She was very convincing.

Childhood honesty is refreshing to me.

Looking down the barrel of nine more months of political wrestling, with smear strategies and skeletons to divulge and exaggerate, I long for an honest candidate that will not just tell us what we all want to hear. At every turn there’s talk of the major league baseball steroid scandal. I yearn for a simple t-ball game where everyone is there because they want to play and have fun. As new corporate scandals surface everyday, it makes me smile to recall the days when the majority of your financial decisions surrounded how heavy your piggy bank was.

With President’s Day this week I can’t help but remember Honest Abe and the integrity that was once such a foundational measure of character.

Can grown-ups get back this childlike honesty?

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When I was a kid, there was nothing worse than a Sunday night during the school year. The foreboding end of weekend freedom was perilously near. As the sun set and the clock ticked older, the pit in my stomach grew and grew. I did well in school, but thinking ahead to a week of early mornings, boring lectures, bad lunches, stupid bullies, and unexciting homework was hardly a thing to look forward to.

I was suffering from Sunday Night Dread.

On Friday afternoon, the future unfolded before me with endless possibility. The freedom was intoxicating and the sky was the limit. On Saturday, I knew the clock was ticking, but took comfort in the fact that I still had a whole day left in the bank. But there was no escaping Sunday Night Dread, with its whispers of Monday growing ever louder as the day wore on.

The most treacherous Sunday Night Dread of all came on the last day of summer vacation. Then Sunday Night Dread spilled into an entire week!

I used to believe that Sunday Night Dread was a condition that only affected school children. A graduation from formal education taught me otherwise. I discovered that a vast majority of adults also suffered from Sunday Night Dread, complete with the anxiety of another week of early mornings, boring meetings, bad lunches, stupid bosses, and unexciting work. It is so widespread that a restaurant chain has achieved great success by embracing a theme - Thank God It’s Friday - which is the antithesis of Sunday Night Dread.

Once I got married and started full force into my career as a freelance illustrator and designer (which evolved into what I do today), I have never really suffered from Sunday Night Dread. I was finally doing what I loved and actually looked forward to Mondays.

Sunday Night Dread is still a major factor for most people. But it doesn’t need to be.

On his show, The Big Idea, Donny Deutsch interviews people who are doing what they love and in many cases, have made millions doing it. During one episode, he made this statement: “If Sunday night feels different than Friday night, you’re doing something wrong.”

Re-read that sentence again, and let it sink in.

If you’re on the right path, Friday should feel no different than Sunday or Tuesday or any other day of the week. You should have a passion for your work that doesn’t shut off when it’s time to go home. It should keep you up at night (in a good, excited-to-get-going-the-next-day sort of way.)

If you aren’t thrilled with your job and are experiencing Sunday Night Dread, you probably fall into one of two camps. Either you know exactly what you’d rather be doing (and, for a variety of reasons, stay put), or you have no idea what you’d rather be doing. Whole books have been written about what to do if you’re in either camp, but let me offer a few simple steps to get you started.

Scenario #1: I know what I’d rather be doing, but I can’t do that!
If you’re sticking in a career that fosters Sunday Night Dread even though you have a bigger dream deep inside, you have at least one obstacle in your path, and that obstacle is called fear. You may say, “That’s not true; I just can’t afford to lose the great benefits that come with this job.”

Really? The truth is that you’re afraid that you might get sick and go bankrupt if you give up those almighty benefits. I can’t get into every potential roadblock you’re dealing with, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll notice that it usually boils down to fear.

Combat this fear by spending time thinking about what you might lose if you don’t make the leap. Imagine life down the road a decade or two - what will those regrets feel like tomorrow if you don’t go for it today? And what could you gain if you do? A little perspective like that is a great catalyst to remind you that even though it might be painful or scary to act now, it can never match the pain of regret if you don’t even try.

Scenario #2: I’m not crazy about my job, but I’m not sure what else to do.
If you suffer from Sunday Night Dread, but have no idea what you’d rather be doing, you’re a rare individual. I bet you really DO know what you want to do, but have given fear such an upper hand that you won’t allow yourself to consider alternative possibilities.

Awareness if the first step. The sheer act of acknowledging Sunday Night Dread will eliminate a blockage and open your mind to new opportunities. Pay attention to the things about your job you actually like. Or the passions and pastimes you can’t wait to work on when you get home. These clues can help lead you to a life lacking Sunday Night Dread.

No matter what camp you’re in, it’s important to know that if your Friday night feels different than your Sunday night, you’re doing something wrong. You were not designed to toil away with your talents and passions rotting away on the sideline. Take that first step in eliminating Sunday Night Dread from your life today!

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Few people in history have exhibited the intense and authentic childlike qualities of Martin Luther King, Jr. Knowing the weight of his message and adversity he met on his journey of justice, he should’ve had a major case of  Adultitis. I do not believe that he did, however. Here’s why…

• He dreamed BIG. REALLY big!
• He was curious (and brave) enough ask some of the hardest questions ever asked. Why? Why not? What if?
• He was honest, speaking the truth that was in his heart, even when others weren’t open to what he had to say.
• Few men have walked this earth with more passion than Martin Luther King, Jr.
• Last, but not least, his childlike faith and courage lead him to a position of leadership that ultimately cost him his life.

Here’s a short clip of his last speech, a day before his assassination. Most notable to me is his childlike faith. He’s not in denial about the difficult times ahead, yet he is not worried. He has no fear, for he knows what’s truly important.

Is there anything more childlike than that?

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Something we all have in common as adults is the need to exercise and the continual search for that “perfect routine” you actually enjoy and look forward to. I, like many of you, have been re-evaluating my routines this last week, with the start of a new year. We all know we need to be getting 20-30 minutes of cardio everyday- not just to fit into those skinny jeans, but for our heart health. I heard recently that if your mind moves at a pace that is not matched by your body, you will feel off balance. Makes sense to me.

My challenge as of late has been the answer to this question: How do I get my 30 minutes of cardio accomplished now that it’s bitterly cold? My favorite form of cardio is walking outside. Getting a treadmill wouldn’t work because I enjoy the scenery, which is a major part of the experience for me. However, in Wisconsin winters, I just hate how my toes, legs, face and fingers get so cold. I miss my walks, but can’t get myself to fight this crazy weather.

You may be familiar with Occam’s Razor (a principle attributed to the 14th-century English logician and Franciscan friar William of Ockham), which says that the simplest solution is the best.

I finally decided to follow Occam’s Razor for the solution to this problem. Drum roll please…

Walk outside in the cold.
Bundle up and get over it.
Period.

The windchill this morning was 17 degrees. (Not the coldest day, but still not spring.) I bundled up reminiscent of Randy from The Christmas Story and headed out, with two pairs of socks, three pairs of pants and a scarf covering most of my face. (Check out this Randy action figure! Or see what Randy looks like all grown-up.) A surprising thing happened… I really enjoyed it! Sure, by the end my nose was chilly, but I lived. Not only did it feel invigorating to move and get my heart beating, it was fun to get an up-close peak at all of the neighbor’s front yards, filled with evidence of fun that was had over the holiday break- snowmen, forts, countless footprints, and even occasional spots of yellow snow along the way. It all made me smile and by the end I felt great.

What challenge are you struggling to figure out right now? Tackle it the quick and dirty way with Occam’s Razor. Most of the time you know the answer, but just need to resurrect that childlike honesty within yourself to get to the next step.

Technorati Tags: honesty, The Christmas Story, Randy, cold, winter, exercise, heart health, Occam’s Razor, William of Ockham, skinny jeans

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(Say that five times fast!)

We have so many choices on our “menu of life.” The freedom we have is such a gift and it’s time to order up the best that life has to offer. To be able to do that we have to ask ourselves a very important question…

What steals your peace?

I caught a minute of author and speaker Joyce Meyer on TV the other day asking that question. She suggested that as soon as you figure out the answer, you can work to proactively avoid those things.

Is it a negative person in your life, your unhappiness at your job, or an anxiety of some sort?

What is your answer to that question?

One of my answers is rushing. It’s when the speed of my physical surroundings does not match up with my ideal internal speed (which I’ve identified as about 35 MPH). This disconnect steals my peace. (Tobeme at The Naked Soul blog shared some helpful insights on “slowing down” yesterday.)

One way I’ve found to avoid this is to plan ahead. You can’t plan to everything, but there are certain things that just requires a little discipline to do, like writing out the meals for the week on the weekend before, planning a date with Jason before the week fills up, or going to bed early enough so that I will be able to get up and exercise before the day starts (otherwise I won’t do it). There are certain things you know about yourself that are helpful to evaluate with honesty. That’s the key word here… honesty. (If you need a refresher course in honesty take a four-year-old to the grocery store with you and stand in line behind someone who is outside of his healthy weight.)

If I’m being honest with myself, I know that if I don’t have some quiet meditation/prayer time in the morning, then I am going to be “off” throughout the day. That is a peace stealer for me.

So, what steals your peace?

The sooner you identify the culprits, the sooner you can do something about it and regain the clarity and balance you’re looking for.

Technorati Tags: peace, rushing, Joyce Meyer, The Naked Soul, balance, clarity, honesty

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We as a human race tend to take ourselves WAY too seriously.

Especially the grown-up faction.

The child who would be quite content to wear pajamas and a cape with cowboy boots to church next Sunday does not seem to have “Make sure people don’t laugh at me” very high on his list of priorities. But for adults, lots of time and effort is spent doing everything possible to not appear foolish or silly. God forbid someone might laugh at us.

As if that would be the worst thing ever.

From being caught with your zipper down to tripping on a mischievous sidewalk crack to having a few sheets of stray toilet paper tag along on the bottom of your shoe, we’ve all had embarrassing or awkward moments. These are life’s ways of reminding us that we’re not all that.

Airport security is among the most uptight, humorless places on Earth. Our friend Eliz recently shared on her blog of a trip through security with a “mooing suitcase:”

[My daughter] chose a very cute cow to accompany me to St. Cloud, Minnesota for the Go Red for Women Luncheon. Very cute, but very noisy! Moo, as Callie named her, moos when she is squeezed — or whenever you go over a bump if she is packed into a wheeled carry-on! On a trip where security was tight, I made quite a few people laugh while waiting in line. Me too.

Next time you travel, take a bit of whimsy with you. It’s hard to be a crabby traveler with a mooing suitcase!

Good perspective. Instead of focusing so intently on the negative ramifications of “making a scene,” I think it would be nice to think about the good that comes from those moments. And being reminded that we’re “not all that” is good for us. It takes the pressure off of trying to be perfect (we aren’t), gives us some perspective, and makes it easier to actually enjoy life. We (and the people around us) need a little levity now and then. Taking yourself less seriously is good for you.

And anytime you can introduce a little laughter into the drudgery that is airport security merits you a gold star in my book.

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(This is an excerpt of an article written for Kim & Jason magazine by Jill Fleming, MS, RD, a registered dietitian and amazing wellness speaker.)

Do you love your body? I do now, but I didn’t always. Nineteen years ago, I went to college and gained 40 pounds in just 2 years. I had a very low self-image and made terrible lifestyle choices. I now refer to these lifestyle choices, such as eating junk food, inactivity, excess consumption of food or alcohol, sleep deprivation and chronic (uncontrolled) stress as “Crap Choices.” I made crap choices daily and I felt like crap!

After earning two degrees in nutrition, I began to make better lifestyle choices. I call these healthier choices “Love Your Body Choices™.” I lost my excess weight and began to feel good again. The more Love Your Body Choices I made, the better I felt. The better I felt, the more my body craved these same choices.

Food—particularly fast food—is so readily available that we are rarely planning our meals in advance anymore. Our grandparents used to plan for meals a full day in advance. They would thaw the meat, prep the vegetables, and even bake the dessert. They planned meals that were fairly well balanced. Today, we go through the drive through after a busy day. Not only does our meal rarely include healthy options, like fruit and vegetables, but we are not even getting out of our car to get the food.

We are also much less active than we used to be. Advances in technology have allowed us to accomplish more, as we do less. One day I realized that our family was… (read the full article on page 18 in the FREE digital version of Kim & Jason magazine.)

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Chuck Westbrook has a blog called I Hate Your Job. While poking fun at cube life, it offers funny, irreverent, yet practical advice on how you can enjoy your job more (or find another one).

He’s 23-years-old.

Does that make him too young to offer valuable advice to someone in the middle of their career? That’s the question Rennie Sloan of Motto Magazine proposed. Here’s an excerpt:

He seemed a bit young to me to truly grasp this concept – don’t you have to be out there for a while before you understand the ways in which the last comment tossed out by an insufferable colleague during a meeting can fuel Google searches of how to earn a living selling sunscreen in a Tahitian hut?… can you really appreciate the rewards of escaping the traditional 9-5 career if you never had to pay your dues and suffer through it?

Rennie goes on to say that she does hope that more young people become inspired to successfully pursue nontraditional and rewarding career paths. But the urge to undermine the wisdom of another person, simply because he or she has not reached a certain age or does not have a certain level of experience, is a strong one.

Kim and I get this a lot. I can see it on the faces of some people in our audiences as they sit their with crossed arms and sour faces. “What do these two young kids know about life? What can they teach me about anything?”

These people used to bother me. Now they just sadden me.

Wisdom is the application of truth. Sometimes, but not always, does it have anything at all to do with age or experience.

Children, although quite low on the age and experience meter, often seem to have an otherworldly wisdom about them. They get the idea that having your dad read you a bedtime story is more about the time spent together than the quality of the story or how expensive the book was. Kids understand that a simple ladybug is just as elegantly designed — maybe more so — as a modern day cell phone. And somehow they know that a hug can do more to heal a broken heart than a long-winded lecture.

When we see this wisdom borne out in a little one, should we disregard it because it comes from someone who is not able to tie his own shoes? Of course not.

You see, people who discount other people in such ways are really just creating an excuse to not accept the truth. It could be that they are embarrassed that it took so long for them to see the light. Perhaps they are regretful of choices made and the opportunities missed. Or maybe they are afraid of the changes that would have to be made if they accepted this new truth into their lives. You see, if we discredit the source of the truth, we give ourselves an out. We can ignore our responsibility to do something about it.

As the cult classic television show The X-Files proposed, “The truth is out there.” Your first challenge is to understand that truth and wisdom can be revealed by anyone: a Harvard educated expert, a twenty-something blogger, or a four-year-old next to you on the bus.

Your second — and most important — challenge is to have the courage to act on it.

There’s a good chance that sometime this week, someone will share a bit wisdom that can make your life better. Will you be able to see it if the messenger isn’t someone you’d expect? And if you do see it, will you do anything about it?

Technorati Tags: wisdom, ageism, career advice, truth, ChuckWestbrook

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