Escape Adulthood with Kim & Jason » How to Have a Mental Breakdown

«« Real Passion • Home • September S.W.E.L.L. Winner »»

September 19th, 2006 at 7:56 pm

by Jason
In: Delight in the Little Things, Dream Big, Get Curious, Have Faith, Live Passionately, Maintain Perspective, Play

Never before has such a thorough, step-by-step guide to your very own mental breakdown been published, be it online or off. If you can master these easy to follow instructions, you too can be the envy of all your friends and find yourself well on your way to a life you’ve only dreamed of!

• Treat traffic jams exactly as they are: carefully planned and sinister conspiracies designed to keep you from your destination.

• Pack your day so full that you are not distracted by superficial things like the sunset, the smell of roses, or the toddler smiling at you from across the grocery aisle.

• Avoid the time wasting activity known as sleep. For best results, try to keep it under four or five hours per night.

• Take everything seriously because, obviously, it is.

• Don’t fall into the trap of expecting big, amazing, wonderful things to happen. They probably won’t and you’ll just end up disappointed anyway. And while you’re at it, pat yourself on the back for outgrowing the silly practice of believing in things like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and God.

• Make sure you eat most meals either in the car, near the microwave, or from your recliner. If someone invites you to join them for a dinner that is likely to last more than fifteen minutes, respectfully decline.

• Don’t bother asking questions. You probably know all the answers anyway. If you don’t, just act like you do. And remember, "Because we’ve always done it this way" is a perfectly good answer to a almost every question.

• You can take some time for yourself, but only if you’re caught up on all of your work, your e-mail inbox is completely empty, your bills are paid, and your junk mail has all been alphabetically sorted. And the grass has been cut.

• If someone drags you on some sort of "vacation," be sure to bring your beeper. Also, figure out the total time you’ll be on said "vacation" and plan things to do and see that will accommodate roughly double or triple that time.

• Spend most of your waking hours — remember, you should be shooting for about 20 of those a per day — doing things that completely drain you. You know, the stuff you’d never do in a million years if they didn’t pay you such a good salary.

• If all else fails and you forget the other guidelines, a handy shortcut is to observe a child and do the exact opposite.

• And finally, refrain from reading this blog.

Technorati Tags: stress, mental breakdown, nervous breakdown, sleep, traffic jams, vacation, self-help

22 Comments on the Chalkboard »

20985

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by 88 More ‘How To’ Articles - Group Writing Project Submission Part 2 on 9/20/2006 @ 4:02 am

21006

Solid advice. I enjoyed your approach, too. Nothing short-circuits a nervous breakdown like a little humor once in awhile!

Comment by Brad Shorr on 9/20/2006 @ 5:28 am

21075

Interesting list. Wouldn’t it be hard to keep your extremities inside the car? Thanks for contributing to the Group Writing Project at ProBlogger. My how to is up also.

Comment by Matt on 9/20/2006 @ 2:26 pm

21094

Very FUN! I think Laughter keeps me sane…even if it is slowly become sick eery laughter because I’m going insnae! LOL

Comment by Jersey Girl on 9/20/2006 @ 9:07 pm

21101

Great list; sadly, so true. You know, my husband (who just had a heart attack) literally does all of these things. Fantastic reminder for those of us with hurry-itis, worry-itis, and workaholism…if I don’t watch myself I go into these same patterns. Thank you.

Comment by Olivia on 9/20/2006 @ 11:04 pm

21179

Sadly, way too true. Our how-to is up as well if you’d like to check it out!!

Comment by MamaDuck on 9/21/2006 @ 11:02 am

21191

…take everything seriously because, obviously, it is…

You mean…the joke a co-worker told me the other day is a way for them to passively tell me I’m too (insert quality here)?

(found you through ProBlogger’s list…nice ‘how too’ post)

Comment by Northern Girl on 9/21/2006 @ 4:16 pm

21192

“Make sure you eat most meals either in the car, near the microwave, or from your recliner.”

Does eating meals in front of the computer count?

Comment by Jeff on 9/21/2006 @ 5:07 pm

21254

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by The Foo Logs » Blog Archive » Friday Hodge Podge: 9/22/06 on 9/22/2006 @ 9:58 am

21276

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by Change your thoughts » Blog Archive » How to posts - loads of them on 9/23/2006 @ 12:07 am

21297

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by Questallia » Problogger’s ‘How to’ Group Writing Project List on 9/23/2006 @ 6:58 am

21303

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by Mark Choon » The Biggest, really humongous, ‘How To’ list ever assembled in 4 days! on 9/23/2006 @ 8:12 am

21368

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by Ask blushgirl - Romance Advice, Tips and Dating Site Reviews » Blog Archive » Day 2 How-To Article Love on 9/24/2006 @ 1:42 am

21398

[...] The How To Have a Mental Breakdown post was a part of The Biggest List of ‘How To’ Blog Posts Ever Assembled over at Problogger.net. It’s pretty much a treasure chest of some really good — and sometimes funny — information. Here are a few good ones that I thought might be of interest to readers of this blog: [...]

Pingback by Escape Adulthood » How-To Heaven on 9/24/2006 @ 11:38 am

21423

[...] Here’s a fun one: How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason Kotecki at Escape Adulthood. [...]

Pingback by Your Healthiest Life » Blog Archive » How-To Improve Your Health By Reading Blog Posts on 9/24/2006 @ 5:54 pm

21451

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by Chewing Pencils: Helping you make money from drawing cartoons! on 9/25/2006 @ 7:02 am

21558

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by Kristonia Ink! » Full List of ProBlogger How To Contest Submissions on 9/26/2006 @ 6:32 am

21587

[...] How to Have a Mental Breakdown by Jason [...]

Pingback by Cell Phone Know How » 343 How To Posts on 9/26/2006 @ 10:30 am

21613

You left on off the list: Yelling at your your fantasy football quarterback for throwing an interception.

Good luck against the Mendoza Liners this week. I’m really excited to see how Westbrook will light up the Packer’s Defense on Monday night!

Comment by Coach Beau on 9/26/2006 @ 2:49 pm

21662

Beau, I think the fantasy football could easily fit under “Take everything seriously because, obviously, it is.”

I struggle with this one, too. Fantasy football is a weakness…and yet it is so alluring!

Comment by Jason on 9/26/2006 @ 8:28 pm

23872

[...] doing ANY of these, guess where you are heading! Written by Jason on Escape Adulthood. < Leave a comment > [...]

Pingback by Great writing ideas on 10/3/2006 @ 11:27 pm

25117

I have done this already, and have indeed escaped adulthood! great fun! I recommend you try it but be prepared for a lot of pain. its well worth it in the end. believe me.

Comment by anaymous mr b on 10/13/2006 @ 5:16 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. | TrackBack URI